Butter Rum

Life sends us signals all the time, 

if we pay close attention.

What does this have to do with Butter Rum lifesavers?

A lot

You see my dad loved lifesavers, and often 

had a roll in his pocket, for special times of need.

When standing in the yard 

pondering his next garden project,

or quieting a very fidgety 

daughter during church sermons.

He would offer a lifesaver to a neighbor

 who had wandered by and 

they would stand there in the yard, 

my dad's feet spread far apart, a shifting of his hips

 and his arms folded across his chest, settling in, 

very much at peace with the moment.

Butter rum was a favorite of his and certainly mine.

I don't think I've had a lifesaver 

or even noticed them in many, many years.

Until today.

There were the rolls, right in front of me,

and suddenly dad was in my mind and heart

 as if he was standing by my side.

Saying "now Suzy, what's the matter?"

"Here, have a lifesaver", 

as his thumb popped one off the top.

 I wanted to say, "You see I'm very

sad about several things and confused

 about how to handle 

some situations and I'm so weary of 

figuring it out all alone.

I wish you were here, I still need you here."

Then... seeing those silly little rolls of butter rum, the only flavor they carried, I knew he was here.

Always in my heart 

guiding me to do the right thing, 

all those lessons learned at his side;

to stand up for what is right, and for myself.

To keep my word even if it meant sacrifice on my part.

To aid each friend, neighbor and stranger,

 as he always did. I struggle at times to live up

to that ideal, I think we all do, but he never faltered,

never wavered in his commitment to his family,

his country, his neighbors.

My dad's birthday would have been Friday.

I think perhaps he was just checking 

in on me today to see

how I've been doing, a little cosmic butter rum

reminder of who he wanted me to be.

I pray that Ben and Hannah will

honor the lessons I leave behind, most of them 

the same lessons he passed to me;

and recognize the signs when I 

come check in on them.

so to you my friends..

Here,

have a life saver;

they're Butter Rum